God's Loving Grace

Tonight I was struggling with so much. And a thought entered my stuffed up head: why don’t I feel lead to ask God for the two things I want most in my heart: for Kris to be completely healed, and for us to have a child or 3. I think the reason is so complex, but it boils down to that I don’t think we’re supposed to treat God like a genie in a bottle. Instead, for some time I’ve been praying for Him to bend my will to His, and slowly, I began to add in minor steps toward my heart’s desire: heal Kris this time from this episode, keep his vision, let him be able to walk, toilet, etc. As for the kid thing, I’ve been pretty patient until this year. But slowly my prayers are creeping back toward the “give me what I want” ground that isn’t what I believe I’m supposed to do.
So I try to figure it all out on my own, and try to be patient, kind, loving to Kris, supportive even though I’m feeling rotten and sick. I begin to wonder and pray, God how can I do this? How can I continually put his needs before any of mine? I can’t even be sick! And tonight, when I finally went to God in devotion, what do I read, but the perfect scripture for me tonight.
Psalm 60-63: I feel like it was written for me tonight. This scripture touches me so deeply I cry. It begins so gently, the way God speaks to me: not mighty howling winds or dramatic fireworks, but a loving, gentle embrace. He even used his right arm (my favorite analogy) and guides my thoughts and calms my fears. He is my refuge and strength. He envelops me in his wings. In Him should I put my trust, pour out my heart, and seek him earnestly, because His love is better than life. And in Him my soul will be satisfied, as with the richest of foods…because he is my help, I sing in the shadow of His wings. My soul clings to Him, his right hand upholds me. Read them next time you feel lost or overwhelmed. It was just what I needed tonight. Thank you God for your love, Your kindness, Your loving reminders, and for trials so that I can grow (Remember Paul singing in prison!) Its not nearly that bad, the least I can do is praise God!