November Thoughts

Can it really be November? No, not possibly, but it is. November. Cold but so pretty with all the leaves and fall decor. Winter is on the way, Summer is over, and Fall is absolutely here.
I figured it was time for some blogging when I began to feel emotionally frustrated and needed to express something. So here is what I have been thinking about for almost a week.
I have a patient. He is over 400 lbs, born with a birth defect, and at 50 still lives with his blind mother. At our first meeting he was difficult to evaluate, almost mean to his blind mother (triggering my grr reflex, my mother is blind don't be mean) and horribly unhealthy and sweaty. But after a few visits I began to get to know this man. He is a lovely person. He has worked his entire life as an orderly, taken care of his mother, never complains, and is genuinely kind to all people. He is self conscious, shy, and needs someone to listen to him. One day, another therapist was working with him, giving him the eat better and exercise speech that I abhor, and I felt the need to go over and hug him. A simple hug, one I give most of my patients, no big deal. He was a little sweaty, and appologized, which I laughed off. Who cares! I had done weights and walked at lunch and was sweaty too!
The next time I saw him, he told me something I have not been able to get out of my head.
Thank you for the hug Ms. Elizabeth. The last time someone hugged me was when my father died 15 yrs ago. I was working as an orderly at school and they made me a card. All the teachers and kids signed it and they presented it to me in the principle's office. A little boy came up to me and said his dog had died and he knew that I was hurting and asked to give me a hug. Then later in the day another little child asked to hug him. He bent down to talk to her and said no, I'm too sweaty. She said, sometimes you just need a hug and hugged him around his neck. He said it was the tightest hug he could ever imagine, and it felt so good to be hugged that way. He said I was only the third person to ever hug him, and it meant alot to him.

I have not been able to process the full meaning of this. He has no real family except a mother that is obviously overwhelmed by her circumstances. She is going blind with macular degeneration, has a child that was not what she expected or wanted. All we want is a healthy child, right? His body is deformed, his speech is not perfect, and he so obviously needs her love but she is unable to express it. She views him as a problem she must care for and can't. She doesn't hug him. He looks for love and only finds it in food. How desperate he is for love. How horrible that only 3 people in his life have hugged him. How horrible that he doesnt have my God to fill him up and let him know he is loved. This I must share with him. So I pray for the right moment and circumstance to present itself. This is not something I am good at, but obviously I was put in his life for a reason. If anyone understands turning to food, it is me. I too feel completely abandoned by the people in my life dealing with disease and drama and feel so unloved at times. But thankfully I am loved, by a perfect God. And he lets me hug people and show his love. And my mother has always loved me, hugged me, and never viewed me as a burden. I can give to this man, to all my patients of myself and be a vessel of God's love. And stop being so selfish and petty.
That's my current rambling. Comments?